Love Styles
 

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Last edit of this page 17/12/2012

I found this article in CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS RESEARCH: A RESOURCE FOR COUPLE AND FAMILY THERAPISTS Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, Jan 2004 by Hendrick, Susan S. and retrieved this version from findarticles.com on 04/09/08

Love Styles

Introduction

Love styles grew out of close relationships research. Clearly we each express parts of each style to some degree and this mix will vary in expression across relationships and over time. Reaching for another or opposite style may characterise otherwise inexplicable choices of affair partner in a marital infidelity or partner poaching.

The six styles are called

  • Eros: My partner and I have the right physical chemistry between us
  • Ludus: I believe that what my partner doesn't know about me wont hurt him/her.
  • Storge: Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship.
  • Pragma: A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family.
  • Mania: When my partner doesn't pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.
  • Agape: I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer.
  • More detail about each following the questions below.

The original love style questionnaire items are below.

Directions

Listed below are several statements that reflect different attitudes about love. For each statement fill in the blank using the response that indicates how much you agree or disagree with that statement. The items refer to a specific love relationship.

The 6 styles are marked A to F in the questionnaire, corresponding to the order above Eros to Agape.

Whenever possible, answer the questions with your current partner in mind. If you are not currently dating anyone, answer the questions with your most recent partner in mind. If you have never been in love, answer in terms of what you think your responses would most likely be. There is no right or wrong answers - we each carry traits from the different styles of love.

For each question score the following:

(1) Strongly Agree, (2) Moderately Agree, (3) Neutral- neither Agree or Disagree, (4) Moderately Disagree, and (5) Strongly Disagree

Love Style A:_____________________

____ My partner and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.

_____My partner and I have the right physical chemistry between us.

____ Our lovemaking is intense and satisfying.

_____I feel that my partner and I were meant for each other.

_____My partner and I became emotionally involved rather quickly.

_____My partner and I really understand each other.

_____My partner fits my ideal standards for physical beauty/ handsomeness.

Love Style B:_____________________

____ I try to keep my partner a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her.

____ I believe that what my partner does not know about me wont hurt him/her.

____ I have sometimes had to keep my partner from finding out about other partners.

____ I could get over my affair with my partner pretty easily and quickly.

____ My partner would get upset if he/she knew some of things I've done with others.

_____When my partner gets too dependent on me, I want to back off a little.

_____I enjoy playing the game of love with my partner and a number of other partners.

Love Style C:_____________________

____ It is hard for me to say exactly when our friendship turned into love.

____ To be genuine, our love first required caring for a while.

____ I expect to always be friends with my partner.

____ Our love is the best kind because it grew out of a long friendship.

____ Our friendship merged gradually into love over time.

____ Our love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.

____ Our love relationship is the most satisfying because it developed from a good friendship.

Love Style D:_____________________

____ I considered why my partner what my partner was going to become in life before I committed myself to him/her.

____ I tried to plan my life carefully before choosing my partner.

____ In choosing my partner, I believe it was best to love someone with a similar background.

____ A main consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my family.

____ An important factor in choosing my partner was whether or not he/she would be a good parent.

____ One consideration in choosing my partner was how he/she would reflect on my career.

____ Before getting very involved with my partner, I tried to figure out how compatible his/her hereditary background would be with mine in case we ever had children.

Love Style E:_____________________

____ When things are not right with my partner and me, my stomach gets upset.

____ If my partner and I broke up, I would get so depressed that I would even think of suicide.

____ Sometimes I get so excited about being in love with my partner that I cannot sleep.

____ When my partner does not pay attention to me, I feel sick all over.

____ Since I have been in love with my partner, I have had trouble concentrating on anything else.

____ I cannot relax if I suspect that partner is with someone else.

____ If my partner ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to try to get his/her attention back.

Love Style F:_____________________

____ I try to always help my partner though difficult times.

____ I would rather suffer myself than let my partner suffer.

____ I cannot be happy unless I place my partners happiness before my own.

____ I am usually willing to sacrifice my own wishes to let my partner achieve his/hers.

____ Whatever I own is my partners to use as he/she chooses.

____ When my partner gets angry with me, I still love him/ her fully and unconditionally.

____ I would endure all things for the sake of my partner.

Love Attitudes Scale retrieved from: http://iws.ccccd.edu/emcdonald/human sexuality/Handouts_to_download/Love Attitudes Scale-Chapter 7.htm on 10/04/05. C. Hendrick & S.S. Hendrick (1990). A relationship-specific version of the Love Attitude Scale, Journal of Social Behavior and Personality, 5, 239-254

 
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